Here is a little Social Studies lesson for you. Did you know that around 40% of today’s marriages end in divorce? Many studies show that this number, thankfully, is on a decline from the 50% it was back in the 1980s. Do you realize what this statistic means? It means, that four out of ten people in the world are like me. Four out of ten people are struggling with losing a spouse. Therefore, there is a very strong likelihood that you know other people like me too. A friend, a sibling, or even your parents may be starting on the horrific journey into separation and divorce. Because there is a sizable chance that you know someone like me, I want to help you help them. The end of a marriage is probably the harshest trial life can throw at you. Unless you have walked in our shoes, you may be clueless on how to help someone like me get through this season of their life.

In almost every post that I write, I talk about how amazing my support system is. I’m not one to brag, but MY PEOPLE ARE AMAZING! I want to make sure that I properly express that I do NOT need for you to provide me with anything listed below. Why? Because I already have it! Again, my people are amazing! Many people reach out to me and express that they feel that I am handling this season of my life better than they would have expected. Well, much of my praise goes to God for His grace, and the rest goes to the numerous people in my life who have gone above and beyond to help and support me. If you are reading this, and you’re wondering if I am talking about you…I AM! You have provided me with strength, courage, and confidence. I sincerely thank you from the bottom of my heart. Now, all I want to do is pass that fortune on to another person in your life who needs it. Someone who is like me.

Here are some ways you can help someone like me.

Encourage them to talk to someone. The best advice a fellow divorcee gave me was to find a local divorce group. I attend a couple of hours once per week. They show videos which are helpful, but I get the most out of the time we spend in our small groups. Everyone has their own story; their own narrative of how their marriage fell apart. Although none of our situations are exactly alike, we all have a brokenness in common, as well as a desire to heal. I have learned a lot from this special group of people, and I give them a lot of credit for my progress. So, if you know someone like me, advise them to find a divorce group or even a counselor. I promise they will thank you later.

Just listen. I swear, my people have listened to me vent for hours. Ok, for days. Fine, it’s been months! But I cannot tell you how beneficial it is for someone like me to simply pour out our worries, anger, and anxieties. It is not healthy to keep problems bottled up for a prolonged period of time. I have needed a lot of advice over the past six months, but those moments are largely outnumbered by the times I simply need to vent to a family member or friend. Someone like me probably needs you to lend them an ear, and simply listen.

Go to their house. Someone like me is straining to find a balance between being a single parent and trying to have a social life of their own. Good parents put their children first, and one of the best ways to help a child adjust to their parents’ divorce is to keep things as normal as possible. In my situation, this means being home at the typical time and sticking to little man’s standard bedtime routine. So, stop at a Red Box and make a house call. You have no idea the grandness this small gesture has on someone like me.

Help them financially. There are few things that can empty a bank account like a divorce. If your friend has children, they may or may not be receiving child support. Someone like me could be stuck in the rut of financial misfortune. The smallest amount of help can alleviate a huge amount of stress. So, make them a meal, buy them a few grocery items, or give them a gas card. Take my advice, don’t ask, don’t offer, just give. Someone like me may need it.

Pray. Pray. Pray. Every person I know could use a little extra prayer. Someone like me could use a lot of extra prayers. When you pray, think of the ‘Fruits of the Spirit’; love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Someone like me is probably struggling in most of these areas. But don’t stop there! Pray for their family; their children, their siblings, their parents. Each of these people is feeling the punishing effects of the divorce. They too are feeling cheated and left. They too are grieving the loss of a family member. Lastly, and importantly, pray for the departing spouse. Don’t forget that your friend feels the consequences of every choice their spouse is making. Whether you think they want, believe in, or even deserve your prayers, I promise they need them and God desires them. So, pray for all of them. Someone like me will be blessed by it.

Send them encouraging messages. Divorce is lonely. So, it’s nice to have a reminder that somebody is thinking about you. Smalls efforts can have huge impacts for someone like me. There are going to be many times where the burdens take an emotional toll on them. Sometimes a quick and simple text or phone call is all that it takes to break through the barrier of their despondency and give them a renewed sense of positivity. Someone like me needs you to merely pick up the phone.

I am blessed to have had an abundance of people who have done and are doing all of these things for me. I owe a large amount of my emotional progress and wellbeing to them. Whether someone like me is currently in your life, or you find them in your future, please consider helping them the way that I have been helped. Nobody can completely fix the situation for someone like me. Nor can you fully understand what we are going through emotionally, physically, socially and spiritually, but you can help make it a little less painful. I hope these tips help you to do so.

Isaiah 61:1-4 – He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners…to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion—to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.