You have probably heard of the movie The Purge. To say that it is not a ‘feel-good movie’ would be a serious understatement. If you haven’t seen it, it’s a story of a society that disposes of the corrupt people and communal aggression by allowing the citizens one night a year to go on a crime spree. While I do not agree with anyone going on a criminal rampage, I do, however, see how the ‘purging’ concept could be beneficial.
It is funny to me how so many people complain about an issue or a situation in their life, but then they sit and dwell in their predicament with no obvious intention of making any changes. According to Albert Einstein, “the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting different results.” You are delusional if you think you can just sit where you are and expect things around you to change.
It hurts when a relationship ends. Whether you were married, engaged, or dating, most of the time the end is painful. Furthermore, if you shared a home with this other person, you can be surrounded by constant memories of them.
I will forever remember my husband walking out the front door of our house, making it solely my house. For days, I didn’t know what to do with myself. Everywhere I looked, I saw him, I felt him. This house, our home, became a strange prison that held me captive in obscurity. It took me a few days to realize that if I was going to continue to live in the house, I had to make it my own. I had to purge him out of my house.
Here are a few tips for you on how to ‘purge’ your ex, and reclaim your home.
Get their things out! You are going to have plenty of days when you miss your person. Trust me when I say that you want to remove their belongings as quickly as possible. If you don’t, you may find yourself wearing their favorite hoody while sobbing into the sleeve. When he left, my husband took most of his clothes, shoes, and other items he used daily with him. The items that were unintentionally left were neatly and respectfully packed and given to him as soon as possible. I want to take a moment to encourage you to not damage their belongings. No matter why they left, or how it ended, destroying their things could make you look psycho and crazy, and more than likely, those titles belong to them. Let them continue to be the designated idiotic bad guy. Besides, they are not worth the possible broken nail you may get by throwing their Manchester United garb into the yard.
Buy new bedding! There is nothing like mourning the loss of a relationship, only to roll over and smell the scent of your ex on the pillow next to you; even if you loved the way they smelled. Come to think of it, the only reason he smelled good is because I bought him that cologne! So, toss it, sell it, burn it. Whatever you do, just get rid of it. Make your bed your own again. I actually bought the bedding he rejected the last time we went shopping for bedding. I wore a bit of a snarky smirk as the cashier rang me up.
Take down all pictures of them! Obviously, you do not want to have to look at this person every day as you walk through your house, so take down all their pictures. I went through all our pictures, and any that I didn’t have soft copies of were put into a box, in case our son wants to see them one day. Then the box was sealed and stuffed it into the furthest corner of the attic I could find. I was tempted to wrap it in caution tape and slap a hazardous waste sticker on it, but I thought that might be an overkill. The pictures that I do have soft copies of were burnt. Yeah, I know…this was to closest I came to crazy, but it felt good. Burn, baby, burn.
Mix up the furnishing! Move the furniture around. Change the paint colors. It is nice to not have to check with someone else before making these types of changes. The bedroom was the first room I changed. After buying the new bedding, I moved all the furniture, all by myself! Cue the Wonder Woman theme music! But seriously, I had to look painfully ridiculous as I was hunched over, half-way crooked squatting between the mattress and box spring while trying to get the bed skirt in place and straight. I was sore and walked liked a cowboy for days, but it was worth it!
Donate clothing! I should emphasize that the clothing donated was mine, not his. Again, don’t give them the satisfaction of making yourself look like a scornful ex! I donated every item of clothing he ever bought me. I just hope the bad juju won’t be passed along to the person who buys it. If so, I feel bad for them, and owe them a serious apology! For this reason, you may want to consider adding these items to the photo burning pile.
Return to Sender! There is nothing like coming home from work, feeling productive and in a good mood, only to see their name. Send it back, return to sender; adding, “they do not live here”. That house is yours! Claim it! Own it!
It may be hard, but you need to think of what your home was like before they were in your life and, tactfully, purge them out. A house is so much more than merely a place where you live. It is supposed to be your refuge, a place where you can rest and feel at ease, and that is never going to happen until you get rid of the ceaseless reminders of them. Get them out!
Isaiah 54:11– ‘O afflicted one, storm-tossed and not comforted, behold, I will set your stones in
antimony, and lay your foundations with sapphires.