I think all parents will agree that it is important for children to have a balanced life. We have all heard the phrases, “Anything in moderation”, “Too much of a good thing”, or “Less is more”. We do our best to make sure that our children are taken care of and happy, but at the same time, we want them to grow to be independent and caring individuals. We want them to understand the importance of working for the things they want and to show good character. I have only been a parent for two years, but have found an insurmountable level of stress trying to find a perfect balance in my little one’s life. This only intensified as I began navigating life as a single parent.

Through lots of prayer and worry, I’ve grasped an important awareness. We as parents put unnecessary pressure on ourselves. So, here are a few ways that I am finding balance as a single parent.

Let children be bored. While I believe that parents should have regular activities, crafts, games, etc. planned to do with their children, I also believe that you do not have to entertain your child every second, of every day. Your child’s boredom can develop creativity and foster confidence. So, let them fly solo and play independently for a while

And while they are playing freely, you should take a break. Sit back on the couch and just enjoy watching your little one. Just as they need to play, you need (and deserve) a breather. A happy time-out to recoup and reload. I don’t care if you have the patience of an oyster, children (especially toddlers) can deplete it faster than Usain Bolt running the 100 meter. Take some time to yourself so you can restock your tolerance level. I promise everyone will be grateful you did.

Guidelines don’t have guard rails. Things like setting a bed time and a bed time routine are vital for children and should be followed through with on a regular basis. But, it’s the 4^th of July, and the fireworks don’t start until after dark. So, pack the pj’s for the car ride home, and hope that because they stayed up later than usual they may actually sleep in tomorrow. Have I mentioned before that I really like to sleep =)?

Don’t freak over food. We all want our kids to eat healthy foods, and we know that much of the food on shelves these days contains ingredients that could bring down a full-grown elephant.  But we need to calm down and realize that just because the frozen dinosaur chicken nuggets aren’t organic, grass fed, non-gmo, non-msg, antibiotic free, and taste free, doesn’t mean lightning is going to strike you down if you feed them to your child on occasion. Sometimes a quick dinner adds sanity and reduces gray hairs. So, lighten up, and let your kid get their ‘Roar-On’.

Let your kids see your emotions.  It is important for kids to understand that it is ok to feel ALL emotions. Too often parents tell their kids to “stop crying” or “don’t be mad”. But why? Why can’t they cry if they are sad, and get angry over things that piss them off? These are normal human emotions. It would be wrong for them not to experience these feelings. Parents should use these moments to teach their kids how to handle their changes in mood. Like, it is ok to be mad, but it is not ok to hit. Likewise, tell your kids how you feel.  Be a valuable demonstration for your little one.  After my life was turned upside down I went to see a counselor. I wanted to know how to explain what was happening to my son without lying, or throwing my husband under the bus. The counselor encouraged me to let my son know that I can relate to his feelings. So, the next time my munchkin expressed that he was sad that his father wasn’t home, I told him that I was sad too, and gave him a long cuddle. So, if you are mad, sad, happy, or any other emotion you can think of, show your children the right way to move through these feelings.

Don’t give in all the time. I understand that a significant other leaving, it can cause you to ‘feel bad’ for your child.  Fortunately, children are resilient. While they will need honest answers and explanations, they will not need to be coddled and treated like a fragile egg for the rest of their life. Please do not think that you need to buy them oodles of toys, or give them cookies for dinner because you are afraid of damaging their already delicate psyche. They will develop a healthier mindset through direct and authentic conversations about why Mommy or Daddy left. When my two-year-old asks why Daddy isn’t coming home, I tell him that Daddy has chosen to live somewhere else. I tell him that Mommy and Daddy love him very much and that he will see his father soon. Sure, our choices in life will directly affect our children, but so do our reactions and teachings. Buying them toys to resolve their potential fears of abandonment will only teach them how to be materialistic, and to put possessions over people. This is a fictitious reassurance and will lead to insecurities and failed relationships later in life.

Allow others to help you. While being a single parent is scary at first, you may also feel like you have something to prove. I wanted to prove that I could juggle parenting, work, housekeeping, cooking, house maintenance, all while trying not to look on the outside, how I felt on the inside. Yeah, this lasted a few days, until I thought that I was going to lose my ever-loving-mind. I am not super woman or even a super mom. At this point, I am just trying to get by and adjust to a whole new type of life. So, I am going to let my parents feed my son and I a couple of nights a week. I am going to let my sister drop my son off at camp so I can be at work on time. If you are as lucky as I am to be surrounded by people who truly care about your wellbeing, then let them help you. Besides, even super heroes had to work on their technique before becoming superiorly super. Maybe one day I will don a cape, but for now, I’m thankful to just be me.

I am going to leave you today with a few simple words of wisdom. When it comes to your children, do your utter best and they will turn out fine. There is perfection in not being perfect.

Proverbs 16:11 – A just balance and scales are the LORD’S; all the weights in the bag are his work.